The summer following my junior year of high school, I took a Canadian Wilderness Trip. Somewhere between that trip, a college visit to a university that I specifically ignored God’s invitation to, and a friend in high school, I picked up my life verse:
Fast forward to many points in my life where I really honestly just thought God was trying to trip me up with the things He put in my path. Or, the moments when I thought my plans were perfect, until God revealed His own plans to me – and they didn’t match up at all. And then the “ah hah!” moments, where I began to realize that God’s picture is much clearer than mine. In short, The Message says it best: “I (God) know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”
And this begins to remind me of a phrase I hear from Grunt wives often – Sit down, Shut up, and Let my Marine do his job. I’m suddenly realizing I probably need to take the same advice where God is concerned. Sit down, shut up, and let the Creator of the Universe manage the smaller parts of my life. Surely, He is more than qualified. And surely He knows MUCH better than I do, right?
Right. But, this incident occurred yesterday that had me questioning His “I know what I’m doing” thought process. (Much like a mother looks at her 3 year old son who swears all of the water will stay in the dump truck while he wheels it from the bath tub to his bedroom… and yes, that happened.) At about 9:15 am on Easter Sunday, Mr. Marine and I found out we are expecting a baby.
Let me refresh your memory, before I share with you my emotions. I am almost 34 years old. I became pregnant with my first child 14 years ago, and when you count live births and miscarriages, I have been pregnant for more of my adult life than not. I have gestational diabetes with an almost uncontrollable upswing need for insulin. I end up being induced in sometimes very early deliveries due to severe pre-eclampsia. I have watched two babies sit in NICU for almost 2 weeks each. I have endured too many miscarriages. Let’s put it quite simply: pregnancy is no walk in the park for me. And yet, every child that calls me Mommy, along with the ones that never uttered a word, are more precious to me than my own life. (And now I realize, this is how I learn to be more Godly in that lesson of “laying down a life” concept.)
So, I spent a good portion of the day yesterday really moping about this blessing, honestly. I know that’s horrible, and I know it will hurt some of my readers whose very heart cry is to hold their own child, but it is where I am, and that’s the thing about blogging – you get me where I am, in the moment, as I struggle to grow. But, then this thing called technology affected my life again.
My dad is a pastor. And technology has hit even his small town church in Indiana, for which I am extremely grateful. It means I can still listen to my dad preach every week, via a video that is posted on his church’s Facebook fan page! I got a bit behind, but this morning I was up nice and early and decided to take some quiet time to listen to last week’s sermon. Which was on? You guessed it – Jeremiah 29:11.
It took about 2 minutes of listening to my dad speak to be hit in the head with a 2×4 from God. He even mentions in his sermon that this scripture was well known in our family while we were growing up, and how all three of us can recite it. And, so … while the ups and downs of my pregnancy will most likely be significant, today is the day I look at it in a new light. God knows. He gets it. He’s held my hand through 4 pregnancies when the moments were too much to endure and factors got scarier, and yet He blessed us with another one. And there’s a REALLY good reason for that, so I will TRUST Him and not be afraid, and be thankful for my blessings.
Now, someone remind me of this in about 9 months when I’m in labor, okay? 😉
(thanks to http://simplysarahdesigns.blogspot.com/ for the beautiful word art!)