I had the most amazing conversation with The Marine two nights ago. Somewhere in the middle of it he looked at me and said something similar to, “We always joke about me buying damaged goods. But you did, too. And the point is what we do with each other in our time together, to get through the damage.”
pretty extremely amazing. (Boys can’t be pretty, says the voice of my son in my head.)
It’s no joke that I’m “damaged”. Well, it IS a joke. But, it also has some validity. I’ve been through a lot of stuff that has left me in a really odd emotional/spiritual state, and it really takes a special person to see through that and love me anyway. (No. Really. Trust me. He’s the only human alive that has seen the yucky parts and still loves me tenderly anyway.)
And truly, it’s no joke that he’s “damaged” as well. He’s lived a life full of twists and turns, and done and saw things most people can’t even imagine, and it makes him a bit quirky. (Take, for instance, the hug he gave me in the dining room yesterday and when he began to goof around, twisting my body and my neck in opposite directions, he stated simply with a laugh, “I’m practicing killing.” RELAX FOLKS! This is The Marine’s idea of a joke, and we both laughed at it.)
Damaged goods, as far as I can tell, aren’t exactly called by that label in the Bible. In fact, 4 women that the world would consider quite “damaged” are listed in Christ’s genealogy in Matthew 1:1-17: Tamar, a non-Jew, adulteress, and prostitute; Rahab, a professional prostitute; Ruth, of the cursed people of Moab; and Bathsheba, who committed adultery which paved the way for her husband’s murder. That women were listed in this genealogy is amazing enough; that they were THIS type of women is something even more amazing.
As I read this morning, these women’s names were gentle reminders of the beauty of being “damaged goods”. Yes, I’ve been through some ugly stuff. But, that doesn’t separate me further from the Creator of the universe. In fact, He loved women even more messed up than I am enough to draw His Son’s lineage from them!
Allowing myself to be completely raw in front of my husband for the past 4 years has continued to open the doors of my heart to allow me to be the same in front of other people. Accepting where I’ve been, complete with it’s ugliness and frustration and heart break and questions, allows for a beauty in healing. Knowing that God put women like me into the center of the spotlight encourages me to continually use the path I’ve been on to help others get through their own. The truth is: through my brokenness, allowing the rawness to show through, is as if being given beauty for ashes.