“Hello, my name is Megan, and I am a recovering _____.” Fill in the blank with any of the following words, or combination of words: Pastor’s Kid, Sexually Abused, Pastor’s Wife, Emotionally Abused, Divorcée, Non Custodial Mother, Church Goer, Eater of Potatoes.
That’s how I felt recently when I finally decided to post publicly on the wall of an online Bible study group that I was invited to be a part of. How much should I say? Will they shun me if I say too much? Do I just lay it all out there and hope for the best? Do I keep it all in, because I know the hurt that will ensue? And this, my friends, was my response to a posting on PEACE! As my typing ended, I realized I had only shared the pertinent information for the particular thoughts that had flooded my mind as I read the initial prompt. They now ONLY know that I’m a Marine wife – none of the yucky other things. But, I wonder if I should share more. (And truly, some of them will probably even read this, so hello ladies and welcome.)
It has been my experience that the church doesn’t always know how to answer the needs of a person like myself. What can they do when flooded with the laundry list I come with?! I challenge nearly EVERYTHING a pastor has been trained to deal with. How can I be divorced from a pastor and still be a Godly woman while now married to a Marine who is trained to kill and not keeping custody of my children from my first marriage and then daring to add MORE children into the equation?!? And yet, I assure you – while I struggle in my faith, I am struggling WITH God, and not against Him.
Do I dare share where I’ve come from and where I am with the masses? Is there any healing in the journey for me, or maybe even for others? Or, do I sit back and remain silent, only filling in the gaps when truly inspired and feel it is SAFE to do so? Well, if I’m struggling this much, it looks like it’s time to write my own version of a ____-anon introduction to this new community. God, it’s all up to you next.