Well, if you’re going to go and throw an apparent pity party for yourself, the least you can do is update those who read, were concerned, moved, or found themselves saying, “Me too! Now what?”
The cycle of military life is this: Move, Make New Friends, Move, Make New Friends. Except when it isn’t. At this duty station, we did the move part. It’s the make new friends part that is tricky. There aren’t many wives to begin with, the men are not at all social (thus, neither are the wives), and it makes that “Make New Friends” part a bit difficult. Especially because I’m the stay at home mom with no vehicle during the day and … well, to be honest, in a bit of a depressive stage of my life. Probably a good portion of this emotion was compounded by losing our Christmas trip.
I have a “date” this week 😉 I’m going out with one of the wives here for dessert. I met her recently at a wedding and pretty much fell in love immediately. I’m really looking forward to that. I’ve also had a few conversations with a few wives who have said to me “Mmhmm, Yup!” in acknowledging they understand exactly where I am. Those things have helped, but this weekend was truly a breakthrough for me.
So, I might not be actually getting better, but I took a good step this past weekend. I cried. And cried, and cried. And my husband held me, and nodded, and we shared the burden together. I’ve always been taught that a marriage is a team and you carry the burdens together, and Chris and I really do operate as such. Except I really thought it was just me who was all out lonely – and then I found out it wasn’t just me, I wasn’t alone in loneliness, and we shared it together. Sharing the burden is maybe the most important part of getting through it.
Now, don’t take this wrong. I am amazingly blessed and I KNOW it. Life is sweet and precious and I have moments unlike those I never even imagined could be mine. This is only a tiny part of who I am, but accepting who I am, right where I am, is a true gift to myself and to my husband. When you accept parts of you that are not lovely, it allows growth and greatness to spring forward.
“Not all who wander are lost.” – J.R.R. Tolkien